


I was King's

by Zet_12096



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Alternative Universe - Kingdom, Arranged Marriage, Bromance, Genderswap, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Princes & Princesses, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zet_12096/pseuds/Zet_12096
Summary: Moriuchi Takahiro once a penniless teenager. He worked for a convenience store as a cashier until one day, he got shot...And woke up as a baby girl of a noble family.
Relationships: Morita Takahiro/Satoh Takeru, Morita Takahiro/Yamashita Toru, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I really fond of a webtoon called 'Suddenly I Became Princess'. This story is inspired by those reincarnated things mangas/webnovels/webtoons. Hope you enjoy!

I blinked in astonishment.

There was laid a luxurious canopy above me. Its base colour was maroon, with a glimpse of gold wave-like pattern. Whose beautiful fabric was it? Why was it spread above me?

Of course it wasn't mine. I would like to sell it with high price as soon as I get this pricey-look fabric than using it for my own, such a waste. But...

_I want to touch it._

I reached out my hands, and what presented there shocked me to death. A pair of fatty and short hands was appeared in stance of my fair, thin, and manly hands. I moved my fingers, those fatty fingers were also moving under my control. Were they really my hands?

_What the f*** is happening?!_

"Wabububababii?!"

What was that? Why was that improper voice sounded near to me when there're exactly no one here?

_Don't tell me..._

"Mabobo!?" (My voice!?)

* * *

Let's just rethink slowly.

I was in my workplace before this fucked thing happened, as a cashier of a convenience store. If I got it right, the last person I served has already paid and left the store. Seconds later, he went back, with another person with balck hoodie and black masker, covering his figure.

He pointed out a gun...

A gunshot was heard, and everything turned into black...

And the maroon canopy appeared.

...

_Is this an isekai manga!?_

No, no. That couldn't be, and I didn't want it. I'd be back to my ordinary life though living with working for pennies rather than live in unknown world with unknown ability and unknown dangers!

Just... "Bamabibiba!" (Send me back!)

"Oh my."

\--!

I startled when a voice of a woman was heard. It sounded so close. But, I didn't even hear a door opened, or swung. Who was that? I couldn't move this big head even an inch!

"You are so lively today."

I stood--laid still. Footsteps came closer to me and a head of woman with white head covering ( _what's that? Bandana?)_ popped out from my left side. She casted down her eyes, looking at me with a smile. I saw her wearing maid clothes, like those in maid cafè but much more worn out and in old style, very old.

"My, look at my miss' eyes, so bright and beautiful."

I blinked again.

Why was this person's words so strange? As if she were reading a novel which its time table is victorian era out loud.

But wait... did she call me--

"Miss, are you hungry?"

\--!

I felt my lips trembling in nervous. Am I a girl? No... being a baby was a thing, but being a _girl_ was another. Was is not enough for turning me into a baby!?

I needed to check it, whether I was turned into a girl.

I ran my hands to the space between my legs...

And found nothing.

_Gone! It's gone!_

"Wait a minute, Niel will bring your bottle."

I ignored the maid's saying and concentrated on the biggest issue here. I couldn't be a girl, my _thing_ should be... a diaper! I should have been wearing a diaper, that's why I couldn't find it.

"Oh, have you peed, my lady? Let's change your dress first."

I fully shifted my focus on her now.

Not diaper?

"Ah... I hope there were a once-used tool that can hold baby's digestive wastes so I don't have to change the whole clothes."

Diapers are yet invented!?

"Nah, but your nakey body is cute, my lady, I shall not protest."

...

"Babibubabap." (Shut the f*** up.)

* * *

-TBC-


	2. 1. Toru The Imperial Kid

My life went upside down.

Before, I tried to live day by day, thinking how I will earn money for meals, but now, though I still couldn't sit yet, everything I want was immediately provided, even with a simple 'waaa'.

My current family was wealthy, like, wealthy as fuck. My current parents were duke and duchess--I heard the maid calling them like that--meaning their position was high.

High enough to make an appointment with the royal family.

Here the problem was begun. My current mother was actually acquainted with the royal family--no, with only the Empress. They were old friend. And what friends do when they have same-age kids was to set them up.

On the fifth months arrived in this world, when my ass got used to be wiped whenever the time comes, the empress of the kingdom paid a visit to the manor.

The maids were all busy, cleaning here and there, and the nannies were busy, too. They cleaned me and dressed me up with the most silky, bright, and pricey dress. Not to forget, they did my hair, though it was still so short even I couldn't tell the color.

After they dressed me with the finest dress, they brought me to another room. They opened the door after knocking twice, revealing a beautiful woman standing there with a book opened in her hands. Her light brown and straight long hair fell down beautifully reaching her hip. Her small face smiled at me and her light green eyes also smiled at me.

 _Mom_.

"My lovely Rita is here!" She took me from the nanny and kissed me here and there.

Yes, Rita. My full name was Ritaka Wrighthaans de Labrouse, and my _dad_ called me Rita. My full name was weirdly not too far from my actual name, Takahiro. Well, whatever.

"Duchess, the truth is... Milady has sneezed twice when she is bathed."

"Oh my... are you sick little bird?"

_Yes, I'm sick of the scent of the soap._

Sure I couldn't say that out loud. My mouth was still toothless and it was ticklish. I couldn't even say the whole alphabet.

Mom placed her dorsum on my head. I grumbled as her delicate thumb covers my eyes.

"Her temperature seems nice, we'll see later--"

_Knock knock_

She pulled off her hand from my head and called whoever behind the door to enter. A maid with greenish, ponytailed hair opened the door slowly.

"Duchess, the Empress has arrived."

"Ah, I'll go."

After the nanny bringing me here flew away, mom and I--in her arms--stroded to the main entrance, where all the maids bowed to a beautiful woman standing there. That woman... was a simple definition of an angel.

She was tall, elegantly stood with her beautiful dress. Her long pale-blonde hair was braided surrounding her small head, making her slender neck more delicate. And her light brown-colored eyes gorgeously stared at me while her thin, pink lips smiling brightly. Ah, I could see light shining around her.

"Boa..." (Woah...)

"Empress, how glad to see you."

"Oh, you my friend, I think I've told you many times not to call me empress."

"Well, I've told you that it's so fun to tease you."

Mom stepped forward, with her one arms lifted, and hugged The Empress with me squezeed between them. Just after seconds, the Empress' paid attention towards me.

"Is this lovely Ritaka?"

She bent down, making her eyes in line with mine. Her sharp eyes looked at me full of interest as if I were an alien or about-to-extinct animal.

"How pretty, she just looks exactly like you, except the hair. She has her father's."

What!? I've been dreaming about having mom's light brown-natural hair, ever lighter! So I got dad's pitch black hair huh?

"Where is Toru?"

"He is in his cart, sleeping peacefully. The carriage moves as he pleases and got drowsy."

"Ah, I see... Rita also gets sleepy easily when her crib is bounced."

"Can I put Toru in her crib? So we can have a tea time?"

"Of course!"

I was wrong. I thought this meeting was arranged to introduce me to the royal kid, but it was simply just for these women to have a sweet time together. Yep.

Mom put me into my crib, while the Empress took a bundle of a moving fabric from the imperial carriage and put it near me. I looked at my right in curiosity. _How does the imperial kid look like?_ Relieving my curiosity, the Empress unpacked the bundle in somewhat slow motion, revealing a baby beneath.

That baby, judging from the clothes, was a boy. His fair skin was tainted with reddish shade on his both chubby cheeks and the tip of his little nose. His little eyes were shut. His arms were not extended, they were still flexed and the fingers clutching his palm hard.

_How old is he? A month?_

"Hello, Lady Ritaka, he is Toru, get along with him, ok?"

I rolled over, decreasing the distance between us. On the background, I could hear Her Majesty screamed ( _Oh, she could roll already?),_ depite her mature aura, she was unexpectedly childish, I paid no heed to her though. I was more interested in this royal baby--in his hair. His hair was blonde, a clear one, a cool one.

Just looks like what I've dreamt for.

_How unfair!_

_SMACK!_

* * *

"WAAAAAAHH!"

The voice of a boy crying made me frowned. I looked at the boy, displeased. He, despite being a three years old boy, was very mushy. Whenever I told him to play with himself and not to bother me, he always bursted into cry. What a crybaby.

Today, the Empress came again, along with her kid, Toru. After she pinched and kissed my cheeks, I and Toru were put in the same room, _to make us get along_ while they sipped a cup of tea.

"Rita, you make him crying again?"

I sighed. Though we--I and Toru--had the same age body, my mind was still 30 years old male. Playing with a toddler was a no no, not to mention his always-drolling saliva. I'd rather read some books alone.

"You are a lovely little girl, you should not do that."

Mom crouched in front of me, while Her Majesty calmed her kid while laughing. I crossed my arms, now I'm the one at fault?

"How about him being a gentle? He is a man."

_And I am a woman._

"Oh my..."

"Ritaka's pronunciation is excellent! My Toru couldn't even say a completed sentence."

Mom smiled, she tucked some strayed strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Rita, it's not like he is not being gentle, it's just he is just too small, like you. That's why, he feels that all his orders must be fulfilled.

The Empress while holding Toru in her arms joined.

"How about a promise, young lady?"

I frowned. I couldn't predict what kind of promise was that.

"I promise to make Toru becomes gentle, more gentle as years pass and than anyone else so you can be proud for having the most gentle husband."

The empress' _promise_ made me frozen to the spot.

Not that I was touched.

It was because of the last words she was saying.

_Husband._

"Look, she's stunned, how adorable~"

"Do you think she understands what that means?"

Voices of those giggling women just became an uncomfortable backsound to me. I am a man. How could I get married with another man?

I shook my head and turned around. Let's just go to sleep pretending this insane thing never happened--

\--but my left hand was retreated by something fatty and warm. I looked past my shoulder, Toru was glaring at me with his honey-colored eyes.

"Pway..." (Play...)

"I told you..."

"Witaka... not want?"

Well, her mother was honest. This kid's pronunciation was really bad. Who the hell was Witaka? At least changed it with L and not W. No, his L was also W.

"Okay," I finally agreed. I could see how stubborn he is, if I were still resisting, it would be an endless. Besides, maybe I could drift my mind from that extremely uncomfortable statement. "Let's play 'how to pronounce L and R'."

His smile grew. His chubby, reddish cheeks were pressing his eyes. He seemed really happy. I couldn't help but smile also.

"Wigth!"

* * *

TBC


	3. Debutante

Today was exactly sixteen years since my arriving. It meant I'm 43 years old man physiologically, and 16 years old lady physically.

My family, this family, was actually great though I didn't care, they were not my real family after all. My parents both were extremely busy, as they were duke and duchess, with papers, meetings, and such. However, they never even once forgot to celebrate each other's brithdays and take dinner together... and kiss me every night. I was very disgusted by then, yet I was too tired to resist every damn nights. Before I realized, I had accepted those affectionate actions including being a noble woman.

Daughters from noble family had to hold their own debutante, when mom describes it, it felt like a party when someone was shown off their first appearance into large public. Similar to an event for parents to state "This is my daughter".

For me, today was the day.

I looked in a mirror. I--this body--grew into a fine woman. Small face, fair skin, large and black colored eyes, and long and wavy black hair. The dress I wore was also a special one, full white, like a strapless wedding dress. People said that once someone held their debutante, if they are beautiful and rich, men would be willingly lining up to purpose them. That thought had been bothering me since then. _I am a male._ My mind was still a male and I liked women.

"Aren't you too stiff?"

A voice coming from my back surprised me. I turned around and found Toru, the imperial kid had his right shoulder against the door frame. He, too, became a fine man. Tall, clear blond hair, bright--yet somehow hooded--eyes, and strong jawline. We were still close after years. He was really a great friend.

"I don't know what to expect."

"Don't expect anything, you will be hurt."

I bitterly smiled. He was right.

"Ready?"

He offered me a hand, and I took it in elbow. Holding hands, we went to the ballroom.

* * *

In a debutante, the main star should be accompanied with a man. Either it was her father, brother, grandpa, friend, lover... or fiancee. For Toru, he came as my friend, not fiancee.

The marriage plan had been cancelled, by no ones but us.

The reason was simple, very simple: we didn't love each other.

We did hold hands, we did hugs, but they were just mere friends do. Same went for this time. We danced following the mellody. Our steps echoed in the ball, with pairs of eyes watching us. Some of the praised, what a beautiful couple, they said. But no, our feelings and actions were just couldn't be more than affection towards friend.

That was all and I hope nothing would change.

* * *

"Tired?"

Toru asked as I took my high heels off. My feet felt so sore after dancing and greeting the guests. Finally I couldn't bear anymore and withdrew from the party.

"A bit."

"Lemon?"

"Yes please."

I sighed as Toru's back were gone. I was about to relax my muscles when a lady appeared out of nowhere in front of me.

"Um... Lady Wrighthaans?"

That woman had shoulder-length, whirled brown hair and... pretty feature. She greeted me with her small and high voice while bowing and pulling her dress upright.

I immediately shoved my high heels below the cushion I was sitting, hid my bare feet in my dress, and wore a smile face.

"Yes...?"

"May I sit with you?"

"Sure--I mean yes, you can, please sit."

She sat elegantly and she turned her smiling face towards me.

"I'm Arielle Mottendall, first daugther of Viscount and Viscountess of Ruham."

"Ah Viscountess Mottendall?" I suddenly recalled a picture of a madam who kept bragging her daughter proudly, and I always tought it might be full of lies, so this was the said daughter. "Pleasure to meet you, Lady Mottendall."

"My pleasure."

An awkward silence engulfed us. I hadn't talk with other nobles that many, and even did I, it was in formal parties with other people joined in.

"Um... I-I see you are close with the Prince, Lady."

She initiated. I could see her fingers fidgeting in nervous.

"Yes, quite close."

"You are his fiancee after all, I asked something silly, my apologize."

I just smiled.

"If... if you don't mind, can we have a tea party? I... I heard you are not that often attending tea parties, but I want to invite you."

Though I was still smiling, my inner tought wasn't. Damn this girl. She might be pretty, but she only aimed for my closeness with Toru to gain social attention.

"Hm, that is quite difficult," said I, "I turned down anyone else so why should I accept yours?"

"Eh? Tha-that's... I don't..."

"But you see, I have an appointment with someone else."

My eyes were no longer on her. I bent down and wore my shoes.

"I couldn't accept you invitation, I'm sorry. Now I have to go, Toru may search for me, goodbye, Lady Mottendall."

Before she could speak, I turned around and stomped my feet. In my way towards the balcony, I met Toru who held two glasses of lemon and pulled him along.

"Something has happened."

It was always annoying when Toru asked with stating tone, not to mention he always hit the right ones. He offered me the lemon and gulped his own.

"Hm, yeah."

"I saw. She is Viscountess of Ruham's daughter, right? Her mother once ever offered her to get married to me."

My eyes rounded in shock.

"What!?"

"Yes, but since I'm offically your fiancee, my parents rejected it even though she is that perfect."

I brushed my left forearm, slightly scratched it. It became my behavior before I realize.

"About the marriage..."

"You still object it?"

"You do not?"

Toru took his eyes off of me and looked at the starry sky. Wind blew his blond hair softly. It took awhile for him to finally shook his head.

"I object it too."

I hummed and rested my crossed arms, on the fence of the balcony. Time passed in silent as we gazed the starry sky. Only the music from the ballroom was heard as our backsound and the friction leaves made as they were blown by the breeze wind. That silence finally was ended when Toru opened his mouth.

"How about a plan?"

I looked at him in my sideview.

"Plan?"

"Yes. Let's speak to our parents that we don't want to marry each other after they come back."

My and Toru's parents were currently away. There were some political thing that should be discussed in another place, they were going as the delegacies, four of them. As for my parents, they believed in Toru with my debutante. I was not unhappy, they were not my real parents after all.

"What should I say? I have objected the marriage for numerous times saying I don't see you in that way."

"I'll do the same, it may increase the probability."

Reminded his parents have the strongest power in this kingdom, I only nodded.

"What should I say to mother?"

Toru asked. He certainly didn't want to speak ill about me, since he is a good friend.

"Hm... just say I'm seeing someone, a nobleman."

"Do you?"

I pouted. He indeed was a good friend, but sometimes he could be very annoying and insensitive. No, he always was insensitive.

"It's just a lie, dumbass."

In my sideview, I could see he nodded.

"How about me? What should I say?"

Toru turned his face towards me. Judging from his expression, he hadn't came up with some idea yet.

"How about... you are disliking me? And seeing someone else too."

He neither nodded nor shook his head and lost in thought instead. I needed to wave my hand before his eyes to call him back.

"Sorry?"

"How about that? You disliking me and currently seeing someone. I never be a lady in your eyes after all."

"Well, I must admit that's true." He nodded twice with annoying face. "But no, seek for another reason."

"Why?"

In front of me, he look like he was puzzled. Again, he didn't answer right away.

"Just... I'm not disliking you. Though it is spoken to your parents, I don't want you to sound loutish."

I scoffed in mocking way. "How kind of you, thank you Prince Toru."

"You're very welcome, Taka."

Yes, Taka.

Only Toru in this world who called me _Taka,_ which also my nickname in my actual world. The etiology was simple, he couldn't spell R and kept calling me Witaka, so I told him to just call me Taka until he could spell R. Who knew it would be forever though he could spell R already?

"Let's do that."

The conversation was over with that. We went back to the main room watching ladies and gentlemen dancing in rhythm from a cushion to hide my bare foot in my dress. Toru never left my side as I had told him to, I didn't want to be approached my someone who aims for my parents' reputation or Toru's.

The debutante ended aroung one in the morning. Toru escorted me to the changing room and waited outside. We then went to a room where our belongings were placed.

It was when I had changed my high heels to a flat shoes when a knock was heard. I and Toru changed glances as the servant that would tell us about the carriage was supposed to not knock and just wait for us.

"I will open it."

I rose from my seat and opened the door. Behind the door, a man was bowing deeply, so deep that I couldn't see his nose. Considering his clothes, he was an imperial workers, but I could see his face.

"Count Lingerdan," Toru spoke behind me. Count Lingerdan was one of Your Majesty the Emperor's men. "What can I help you?"

The count didn't speak immediately. I frowned as I see his balled wist trembled. Toru fell in stood beside me.

"Count?"

"I... I'm afraid I should tell you, Prince and Lady, that..." he paused.

I instincly held Toru's sleeve.

Then, Count Lingerdal continued with trembled voice.

"The Emperor and the Empress, along with Duke and Duchess Wirghthaans' carriages were buried by landslide when they're crossing the Ruhk River."

"!"

"It was yesterday. Men from the closest city had tried to find them, but none other than carriages' debris are found. Even the horses are gone. I'm... I'm afraid they were lost by river's stream."

The Count ended his news with that.

"Thank you for the news Count Lingerdan, you may leave, please tell Hals to wait longer."

"Sure, My Prince."

Toru stepped forward to close the door. My holding in his sleeve was off and suddenly I couldn't even stand upright. I fell on my knees and looked at the floor.

"Taka..."

I could sense Toru bent near me and patted my shoulder.

As time passed, I my eyes went hot ang hotter. Toru took me in his embrace, burying my face in his chest.

"Why..." I whispered, "why am I feeling this sad when they are not even my parents? Why am I so emotional when I'm a man?" I immediately bursted into unbearable tears while Toru keeping his hold thight.

Little did I know, Toru's eyes went round with my whispering.

* * *

TBC


	4. Silence in The Pouring Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a mistake in the last chapter, so sorry. Eyes of Taka (Ritaka) should be black, I was hallucinating when I write that chapter 😂

I stared at the pond of the palace. The funeral and cementary for Toru's and my parents was done, the guests had left. Some of my parents' close _acquaintance_ asked whether I'm okay and offered me to tell them if I need something. Such a good people. Meanwhile some of my relatives asked if I want to get adopted. They always been a greedy so their aims should be the wealth my parents leave behind. Such a big lie.

In the pond, I could see bright colored fishes swimming playfully in this fine day. I hoped I could be one of those fishes too...

"What are you doing?"

I turned at my left, Toru was standing there with his formal clothes. After the funeral, he did excuse himself to attend some meeting, with ministers and imperal counsellors. He was the only successor of the couple of imperal family, he should take the throne to rule this kingdom.

"Have you done? Welcome back."

"It took longer than I expected," he sighed and plopped his ass beside me. "Have you had lunch?"

I didn't answer immediately. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and I didn't have the appetite in the first place. He would nag and force me to eat if he knows.

"I have."

Yesterday.

We together stared at the pond silently. It was comfortable actually. Being by his side somehow comforted even with no words, that was the unique side of him.

For me, I really did like staring at those fishes, but I never could guess what's inside Toru's head. Did he also enjoy staring at the fishes? Or might he think something else? Or he was wondering what he should do after his coronation.

"You haven't eaten yet."

See?

"Why did you lie?"

"Because you'll be a pain of ass, ok?"

Toru seemed to know what I mean and went back staring at the pond.

"Don't you want to cry?"

I smiled a bit. Yesterday, I wasn't myself. This wasn't even my life, and my body. But when the couple are stated gone, I felt like my life was also gone. It was so painful... so painful that I couldn't control myself. Bet Toru was also not himself, he hadn't cried since that day. Either he could hold it or not letting the emotion takes him over, he still has responsibilites to burden.

"You... haven't cried. It's okay to cry you know, I have seen you crying numerous time when we were young."

Toru let a sigh out.

"I want to cry," he started, "but I'm not allowed. I have to be strong, for this kingdom, for the citizen. That's what Father told me. An emperor should hold his emotions, his expression. I had been trained for that."

I released a small gasp. I never knew Toru had gone through that kind of training. I never knew he always been held his emotions since the time I don't even know, not because he didn't feel it. Since when he stopped crying?

"I-I'm sorry... but still..."

"And on top of that, I have something that occupies my mind since yesterday."

"Huh?"

"You."

"?"

"Why did you say you were a man and that Duke and Duchess Wrighthaans were not your parents?"

At the end of his words, the wind blew our hair just right in time. I looked at him in disbelief. I thought he wasn't really aware as well yesterday... I thought he didn't hear my whispers.

We locked gaze, my trembling eyes with his intimidating eyes. I never knew Toru would be this... scary.

"To-Toru..."

"Sorry," Toru shut his eyes and pressed the bridge of his nose, "forget it, I'll go back to the meeting, don't skip meals again."

He rose from his seat not waiting my answer. No... I didn't want that. I disliked being interrogated like that, but somehow, his back facing me full of ignorant was hurting me more. He was my important friend. I don't want to lose him...

"Wait!"

Before his foot makes a step, I already grabbed his sleeve making him halting. In that instance, I made a bet. That he would understand, he would accept this male me and won't think I'm crazy. Since it was Toru.

Toru called an imperal servant to send a message about his delay in the meeting and sat again. He didn't say anything, he just sat silent waiting for me to spill the tea.

"I... I might not the one you ever think," I slowly started. Before it could be avoided any further, my mouth spilled the truth.

* * *

"You mean... you're an old man that reincarnates into a baby lady which happened to be my childhood friend?"

"Correct, but can you drop the old word?"

"It's... nonsense."

"I know."

"Is that why you refuse the marriage? Because you're a man? Then, will you marry a lady instead? This country yet to approve same sex relationship legally."

"I won't be married, it's okay to stay as a lady."

I simply amswered. I couldn't imagine having an intimate relationship with men, nor with women. That was a relief Toru didn't think me as a mad man and brougt the marriage thing instead.

He was opening his mouth again when Count Lingerdan approaching us. The Count said that one of the ministers has to go home fast and Toru shall to start the meeting as soon as possible. He glanced me for a second and I gave him a nod to assure him, our talks could be continued later. He finally walked away after nags at me to eat properly.

* * *

Days passed after the mourning debutante. I had sent Toru a letter regarding my retirement as a noblewoman. I had sent all my workers to in need-noble families, and sold my house. I also bought a tiny yet comfortable house in the countryside called Foreshire and had been hired in a quite well restaurant as a cook. In my letter informing my retirement, I also mentioned that I would move to Foreshire in five days. Since he, up until now, always gave me a reply within the same day, I expected I would hear his opinion, and agreement, within the same days. But, four days had passed since I send the letter and got no letters. He should be busy preparing the new period of the kingdom.

Today, was the last day I spent my time in this house, in the capital city. Rain poured cats and dogs since the morning. The carriage I had rented was already waiting on the main gate. I looked around the now-empty manor. My books, my dresses, and all I might use goods were already sent to my new home. I smiled a bit, I didn't expect to be this emotional to think this would be the last time.

DAR!

A lightning stroke, I ended my sightseeing session and hopped into the carriage. That huge container rocked a bit when the horse starts stomping the mud ground. From the window, my eyes kept staring on the house that slowly was left behind.

However, before the carriage reaches the edge of the gate, it rocked again, much more hard and stopped wheeling... as if it was stopped unintentionally.

"What happens?"

"Uh, Milady, the Emperor is in the way."

Emperor was?

I snatched my umbrella and stepped outside. Without being hesitated, I went to where the horse blabbering, where a drenched man was standing blocking the way.

"Toru?"

He smiled as his wet figure sees me. "Taka."

He approached me until our shoes touched, and what he did next made me dropped my umbrella.

"!"

He hugged me, engulfing my face in his broad shoulder while I could feel his wet forehead and locks in my own shoulder. I pushed him a bit, but he resisted. Intead, he tighten his embrace on my waist.

"Toru...?"

Only the sound of blabbering horse and water droplets drenching all on the ground that filled my ears. Toru didn't say anything. Under the pouring rain, we maintain our position.

After awhile, he finally lifted his forehead. He let me go but still didn't say anything. With his hooded, misty eyes, he locked his gaze on me. His clear blond hair was a mess, not showing that he is the emperor of this kingdom.

"Toru, what's wrong?"

I couldn't miss how his lips trembling. I had never seen this state of Toru. How vulnerable. What a sad view that makes my heart aches.

"Taka..." he finally said. His hoarse voice was faint between the sound of droplets attacking the roofs and leaves. He opened his mouth again,

"Please marry me."

With that, silence stroke.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think so far :)


	5. Man... or Woman?

After saying the most absurd thing, Toru left the clueless me in miserable while he went into sweet, sweet dreams.

He apparently was feverish. The imperial servants stated that the Emperor go out from the palace in the morning without informing anyone where he was about to go, even Sir Ryota, his now secretary. And in the late evening, he blocked my carriage.

I would really like to interrogate him, about why he proposes to me out of blue, or... his awareness when proposing me because just right after his confession, he collapsed.

With the help of the coachman, I brought him back to the palace that went chaos right away and had Toru examined by imperial doctors afterwards. They said it was just a common fever and it was worsened because of stress. I stayed in the palace since that time, tonight was already the second nights. I had prepared from the possibility of the third night when Toru finally opened his eyes in the afternoon.

"You okay?" I asked while he spooned his herbal soup on his fancy, equipped with canopy, bed.

"No... my head hurts."

I scoffed. He said that emperors should hold their emotions, but the emperor before my eyes was pouting and sulking like a kid just now.

"Yeah, of course you don't. How long have you been under the rain?"

Toru shook his head. "I don't know."

"Why did you go outside in the first place? Rain pours hard since the morning in that day."

"Seeing you."

I frowned.

"You didn't come to my house at all."

Toru blinked in surprise for a moment before went back to his usual stoic face. "That's right..."

I sighed.

He looked a bit pale, but besides that, nothing was unusual. He also seemed to remember everything in the day he causes a huge chaos in the palace. Did he also remember that thing?

"So, how is it, Taka?"

I was so lost in tought so I startled when Toru asked me. "What? Me? I have sent a letter to the restaurant I work for that I will start to work a week--"

"No, not that, your answer."

I fell into silence. I looked for a playfullness in his eyes, but I couldn't find nothing other than seriousness. He should be deadly serious then...

"Why... why did you do that? I-I mean, I need to hear your reasons... and I might can help you."

Toru spent a second in silent.

"I will be honest to you."

I nodded, that was the one I wanted the most.

"An emperor, if he is unmarried, his kingdom will look weak. It is a great loss for an emperor to be unmarried even by the time of the coronation, of course our kind-hearted ministers won't let that happens."

He moved the bowl from his legs to the small table near his mattress and shifted so he sat facing me on the edge of the bed.

"They asked me to accelerate our wedding. When I said we have cancelled our engagement, they went into rage. I could put them into ease somehow, but they started mentioning name of ladies, from the high ranked families, even from the outside. I don't want to marry a person I haven't met before, loving them will surely be so hard, so... I make them wait. They agreed to wait until that day... when I stopped your carriage."

"I told you I don't want to get married."

"That's why I ask you."

"Huh?"

"You are pre--I mean, men will approach you someday, not only once, I'm certain, and one of those sly men may cause harm for you. If--if you're married to me, no one else will approach you, nor endanger you."

My eyes fell on the ground, looking at how close our feet were. By his sentences, he was basically asked me to have a contract marriage. _A political marriage._ A marriage with nothing but mere physical benefits to each side.

"I can't have intimate relationship with others... you forgot the part that I am a man."

"I am otherwise very aware about that."

I immediately looked at him. He still remembered that we both men but still asking me to marry him?

"As you may know, it is a political marriage, no feelings involved. But this contract is on your side, I offer you one more thing."

He dramatically paused.

"I wont touch you. No sex in our marriage. Nothing will change, we are not and are not going to be an intimate couple, we will remain as friends--well, in addition you should live in this palace and your status will become higher in public. That's all."

I couldn't find any words suited to say in this condition. I found Toru's offer was quite tempting. He was correct in a part about men that will approach me was just the matter of time, being married to him sure could be a shield, a strong one. But...

"Why me?"

In my surprise, he answered right away.

"Because you won't love me."

* * *

_What was that mean!?_

I sighed. I already lost my count on how many I have sighed since yesterday. Toru's words were really ambiguous, and when I finally could handle my surprise, Sir Ryota knocked the door and asked me to leave because the imperial doctor will examine him. After that, despite being in bed, he still had meetings to attend and papers that he loves so much so I cannot meet him until now.

Why didn't he get married with papers instead!? They wont love him too, dammit!

_Knock knock!_

I stopped stomping pieces of paper and hurriedly opened the door. It was an imperial maid.

"I'm sorry Milady, but the Emperor asks you to have a lunch together."

Such a coincidence.

"Ah... okay."

"I will escort you, My Lady."

* * *

Toru had been waiting for me when I arrived. He sat with napkins in his neck and papers on the table. I sighed at the sight. This annoying guy...

"No papers allowed in dining room, don't we learn manners from the same teacher?"

I snatched the papers away from him and put it on the other side of the table. I could hear his 'ah' in disappointment.

"You ask me to have lunch together but it is you and papers that have lunch together in my eyes."

"But Taka, that's for tonight, I have to--"

"No buts. Let's eat."

I sat right across him and waiters brought us the appetizer. Toru didn't throw even one whine after that and we could eat in peace with no sounds of fountain pen scratching the rough paper. We reached the dessert when I started to bring the conversation.

"Toru... it's about what you've said yesterday..."

"You've come up with an answer?"

I pouted. His sentences sounded like he accepts nothing but a yes or no.

"No... I have not. But... there's something I want to ask about... in private," I send my glance to the waiters.

He placed his fork beside the chocolate mousse pudding and nodded. "Leave us."

Those waiters hurriedly went out and closed the door after give us their polite bows. "What is it?"

I cleared my throat first. "Do you... see me as a man... or woman?"

Behind my long black hair, I observed his reaction. He didn't show any significant reaction, but he blinked twice. He was confused.

"Why did you ask? I have told you that we wont have sex in our marriage, that doesn't matter... right?"

I bit my lower lip. To be honest, I could somehow guess that would be his answer, but I hoped he had another answer...

I weakly nodded. "Yes... it doesn't matter."

After that awkward talks, we moved on work talks. We discussed about a trade with the west country for the winter and about the delegates we would send there, also a party to welcome the delegates from the west. I told him that I would be leaving in a day and couldn't attend the party, but he refused to listen to me and kept asking about how the party will be held.

Two hours passed since we started the appetizer and I excused myself to take my leave. I should prepare for tomorrow's leaving. He just nodded in ignorant, he should be angry that I insist to leave.

I was about to close the door when his voice came out.

"But..."

I stopped my motion to close the door and peeked inside.

"If you need my answer the most honest answer that could make you reconsider our marriage..."

He stopped, and I waited for him. I didn't expect he would give his amswer when our talks was to over.

He scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly looked in my eyes.

"As I thought, I couldn't see you as a man."

I lowered my gaze. It was not surprising. But it was not only that. He continued.

"But I didn't see you as a woman either... I see you as Taka."

When he said that, an unfamiliar yet comfortable feeling overflowed within my chest. I gasped in empty sound and hastily took the control of my body.

"Ah... o-okay, I will... immediately give you my answer."

"Please do. Take a good rest, Taka."

"Sure." I nodded and closed the door.

Outside the room, I dashed immediately on my room and slammed the door shut as soon as I stepped my feet inside. I leaned against the door. I could feel that feeling still mingling in my chest and my heart couldn't rest assured.

_I see you as Taka._

That sentence came back. I couldn't get those words out of my head. Those words were like... the most valuable compliment I had been given though it was not even an achievement, though it was just a simple sentence.

I slipped down with my back still on the door, sitting on the cold floor, and sighed.

"I wonder why my face feels this hot..."

* * *

TBC


	6. Is this our last time?

Twenty minutes left before midnight and I hadn't slept a wink.

I still didn't want to get married, to whomever it is. But... if I was to refuse his offer, what should I say? He was my best friend, or I could say my only sincere friend in this full of shitty mask-nobility world. I couldn't and didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Ah... damn, why I should be a woman in the first place..."

It was hard to make a decision, really. Moreover, a thought crossed in my head, what should I do after I turn him down? Be a cook in moderate restaurant and live in a tiny, comfortable house in Foreshire? Was that all I want? Then... what if someday, someone who is close to me proposing me? What should I say to them? Would I hurt them like what I will do to Toru? If that was to happen...

Wasn't having Toru as my husband will be more convenient?

"!"

_Why does it sound like I'm searching to accept the contract!?_

I sighed in desperate. The deeper I seek the answer, the more blurry the answer becomes.

I rolled on my right side. Somehow pictures about our first meeting when we were a baby flashed in my mind. He was so tiny, so dazzling, and cute with his blond hair. It was unexpected that the crybaby toddler would turned into a fine, strong... and certainly popular man. Girls should happily fill the empress seat if the partner is him. Then...

_What would happen after I leave? Would he be married to a woman chosen by uppers?_

An image portraying Toru with stoic face yet pained inside made me growling in desperate. Those thoughts didn't help at all and only made it harder to leave.

_Geez..._

I sat on my bed and decided to give up on trying to sleep. I took my velvet cape and went to a night stroll around the palace. It was now midnight, the palace was dead silent. Everyone besides the knights should be under their blanket living in their dreams--

\--except me and a man that was sitting near the pond.

I immediately recognized the blond hair that man has and approached him.

"What are you doing at this hour, Your Majesty? And without knights?"

That blond man startled and seek for where my voice comes. He spotted me, then patted the empty space next to him.

"You too... are you supposed to leave in the morning?"

I sat on the place he had patted. "I can't sleep."

Toru stared at my face for quite a long time. "Sorry, I must give you a lot of thing to think that make you can't sleep. You can forget it all and live properly in Foreshire."

Ah... he should think that I will certainly turn him down.

"What will you do? To the empty seat of empress."

Toru shrugged his shoulders. "Honestly, I don't know."

"Don't you ever have a crush on someone? Can you ask them?"

"This contract marriage will hurt them if they fall in love with me. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I need a person that can't fall in love with me."

I chuckled at his childish reason. "How can you be so optimistic that it wouldn't be the otherwise?"

Again, Toru just shrugged.

I really hadn't come up with decision and only gave him vague hints that wouldn't get his hopes up. I needed more time, so I might give him the answer when I'm already in Foreshire, through a letter.

"I... will leave, very early in the morning. You shouldn't see me off, just take some rest."

"Do you have something to after reach Foreshire?"

"Hm... besides unload my luggages, I have a full day to rest. Why?"

"Stay with me until your departure."

"Eh?"

"We won't see each other for a log time. Let's just... I don't know, chat? Talk about--"

He didn't continue his words.

I looked at him in concerns. "What--"

And he sneezed. Geez... how could this man be this careless?

"Toru, how can you go out at the midnight with a layer of clothes?" I stood and took my cape off, then put it around his shoulder.

"Wha--how about you? You are so thin--

"Shut up, I'm not thin, it's called slim," I glared him, I didn't like to be called thin, small, or whatever it is defined as tiny. "And sadly, I shall refuse. You should go to sleep, you have meetings and documents waiting for you tomorrow. You shouldn't stay up late, go to your bedroom."

"Are you my mother?"

"I am your friend. Now go."

Though whinning, he still obeyed me and stood, but not to walk to his bedroom. He just stood right in front of me looking at the ground. I, whose height just reach his shoulders, looked up to see his face.

"Is this our last time?"

I pursued my lips at his question. Inside my mind, I did question it as well. _Was this the last time?_

"Being this relax and chit-chat about something useless... yes. I might be coming only for important things, and can't be for a long period. We still can exchange words through letter though. But seeing each other, we can see each other for numerous time in the future, nothing... will change."

Toru didn't reply. We just exchanged gazed in silence in the middle of the night.

"Then... please be careful, send me a letter as soon as you arrive."

"I will keep it in my mind. Now, off you go."

"Yes..."

He turned around and walked away. I stayes in my position seeing his slumped back becomes further and further.

And my heart ached.

His back looked so... sad.

I was wrong. He wasn't strong at all. He was still childish, unreliable 16 years old teenager. The figure of him drenched under the rain was the evidence. His face that time was so desperate. He looked about to cry, yet he once again could succesfully hold his tears. He... was too childish to understand that he needs someone to rely. I wondered why I feel like I'm supposed to be the person he can rely. Was it because the real age gap between us that I see him as... my son? I didn't know what that feeling is called, but a thing was certain.

_I needed to be right by his side._

Before I could think any further, I already shouted his name.

* * *

TBC


	7. Delegates from the South

"Again with those papers!"

I yelled as I found Toru eats with a hand while his other hand holds a paper, and besides his plate, papers are mounted. I walked towards him fast and snatched the paper in his hand and shoved those layers far from him. Didn't he know when to take some rest?

"Taka--"

"No buts, you have a busy evening making sure everything's okay for tomorrow's party. Now eat properly."

With a defeated sigh from him, I won the argument and Toru ate without doing his works. Today, we also had a lunch together. It was not the second times, or the third times. We had breakfasts, lunches, dinners, together for numerous time...

Because this year was our fifth years after being engaged as husband and wife.

Also since five years ago, Toru had been keeping his promise.

No feelings.

No sex.

No changes.

We kept being us before getting married, friends that show necessary and limited-affections, chat casually, and do reckless things to have some fun, putting a trap for an annoying minister as an example.

A small thing had changed actually, I, as the Empress of the kingdom, of course had works to do. It was easy, however. It was thanks to my parents that had raised me as the most promising candidate of future empress. Toru did lowering the amount of my works, it was more like being Toru's assistant. But still, there were works can only be done by me.

Now, with us being unchanged, I could say this live was peaceful and I was happy with that.

* * *

After the lunch, we went to the library and discussed about a party that will be held tomorrow. That party was a party to welcome winter season. But this party was different since delegates from the south country will be coming.

This year, our country will face a long-term winter. Two months longer than usual that makes our country will likely face lack of food. The south country was a prosperous country, and moreover, their winter was shorter than us, but their summer are longer. We wanted them to have some agreement. We helped them during summer, and they helped us during winter. That was a win-win trade with almost 100% probability of getting their acceptance, but I was still nervous. Everything should be just in right place.

"You can sleep first, Taka."

I blinked in confusion at Toru's saying. It was like an hour ago we finish our lunch, but the clock in the corner of the library shows it was already past nine.

I wanted to rest, of course, but he didn't show any sign of taking some rest. So I just shook my head at his offer.

"No, I'll sleep when you sleep. Let's just arrange it a bit more and go to sleep."

"Your part is settled now, I only need to review mine and go to sleep."

"How about the delegates of the south? I haven't seen their faces."

It was important to know the guests' faces, name, and nobility rank. A party sometimes could be a chance to gain some opportunities by chit-chatting about works while dancing in the hall.

"I have their portraits."

Toru rose from the chair and reached a compilation of pieces of paper. It wasn't a book, the paper inside were just clipped into one not with hard cover that will protect the paper. Like a...

"Family tree?"

"Yes, the delegates are members of royal family, they are the first and second child of the Emperor and Empress."

I bit my lower lip as the news arrived. I thought the delegates were just some ministers or counsellors of the kingdom, but the children of imperial family?

"That must be hard..."

"Not really," Toru placed the compilation on table showing me what is inside.

It was portraits of a handsome young man... and a pretty young woman with both wavy brunette hair and dark eyes. When seeing those portraits, something inside my chest was twingled. They appearance was... somewhat hypnotize me, especially the woman. She was beautiful, very beautiful, like a small, bloomed flower in the middle of died trees. And her eyes, though very identical with the man and were drawn by charcoal, for me, hers are somewhat shining, like a mysterious diamond.

"They are twin, first prince and princess. They personally asked me to do the convention along with you."

"!"

"They apparently have a great liking to you. And, that's why, I want you to befriend with them, especially with the princess."

I hummed a hesitated tone.

"I think you will like her, I've met her when we meet in a conference and I must say... she looks like you, a little bit."

"Me?"

"Yes, in my eyes. She... doesn't really an ideal princess with delicate figure. Otherwise, she is tough but elegant, she didn't fake her acts too. You must like her, she doen't look like most noble ladies you've met before."

"Ah... I will try. How about the prince?"

Toru shook his head. "I haven't met him, I don't know."

"Oh..."

"You should take a rest, just leave the party in my hand."

I nodded and rose from my seat. "I will get going then. Don't stay too late."

"Got it. Good night, Taka."

"Good night."

* * *

"Your Majesty, the Prince of the South country will be coming to the party, right?"

I glanced Rola, one of my ladies-in-waiting that currently is brushing my hair. Rola was my closest lady-in-waiting, she is fun and a good listener. She was very humble as a noble woman. As she brought the talks about the prince she looked very excited like a kid just accepting candies.

"Yes, so is the Princess."

"I can't wait to meet him."

"Why? Any news about the Prince?"

She squeaked in delight. I only saw this kind of her reaction when there is a gentle man that captures her interest. So that must be the cause.

"He is very handsome, My Queen."

I recalled the prince's portrait... and gave up to think he is interesting. I was a man after all, I couldn't fall for other man. If I were going to fall in love with someone, it must be--

"The Princcess."

"!"

"What's wrong My Queen? You just look like surprised."

"Ah, no, nothing. I just remember about something... what did you say again?"

"Little I know for the Princess, but for the Prince, rumors say he is very gentle and polite. He is the representative of _ideal prince you should marry with_."

I scoffed. "What kind of classification is that?"

"I'm not quite sure too, but he must be amazing."

"Let's hope you will meet him."

"Of course."

* * *

After get dressed, I and my ladies-in-waiting went to the ballroom in which the party wad held. I met Toru in the halfway and parted with the ladies. Together, Toru and I walked to the ballroom and immediately start the party.

In parties, it was an unwritten rules that the host should greet every guest. That's why, I and Toru walked around to greet the guests but somehow ended separatedly.

When I greeted a marquess, I spotted a figure that walked elegantly, followed by its brunette hair that flows deliberately. I excused myself to the marquess, and stared at that direction.

I knew who that was: the Princess of the South.

I observed her a bit longer. She was just talking to someone I don't know, then grabbed a drink. When she turned around, she bumped someone. I chuckled. She was a bit clumsy, in a cute way.

Should I approach her?

"I see you spotted my sister, thank you, Your Majesty."

"!"

A sound coming from my shoulder startled me hard and made me turn around. The Prince of the South had been standing behind me for no one knew since when, towering me with his height that maybe the same as Toru's.

"Prince Takeru," I greeted and fixed my surprised face, "pleasure for having you here."

"No, pleasure is mine, Your Grace."

He bowed politely. I smiled at his behavior, he indeed was gentle as rumors say. He then asked me to show him around. As the host, I just accepted it right away despite being overthinking about what we should talk about. And he helped me by talking first.

"Is it fine to accompany me, Your Majesty?"

"Oh, of course. The Emperor was there anyway, though I couldn't find his whereabout. He could handle the party, don't you worry."

Prince Takeru just hummed.

"Are you having fun with the party, Prince?"

"Yes. This is my first time coming here but I like it in no time. I love the weather, moreover I like being surrounded by different culture. Also, there is a lot of delicious foods, and..."

He stopped talking and walking. I stopped too, waiting for the continuation.

"I finally can meet the rumored beautiful empress."

Thick awkward filled the air. I fell in silence as... he smiled--in my eyes--somewhat seductively at me.

"Ah... er, thank you?"

He just smiled and began to walk again. As time passed, my worries had been proved wrong. The conversation I was having with the prince were started naturally. Sometimes he asked about the name of plants, philosophy of the logo of our country, and much other little talks. I also came to learn that he and Princess Ayaka will be staying for a month long.

Talking with him was quite fun, he was surprisingly talkative and clever to link the conversation. Sadly, those talks ended as we reached the hall where music could be heard from outside, and as we spotted Toru stood in front of the door, with Princess Ayaka.

"Empress, where have you been?"

I was opening my mouth to answer him, but Prince Takeru stepped forward and talked first.

"My apologize, Your Majesty, I asked Her Majesty to accompany me, showing the palace because this place is so wonderful."

"Oh, don't apologize, I'm just worried because... well, yes, of course that's okay," Toru sighed in exhaustion, "Princess Ayaka is searching for you, Prince."

Princess Ayaka bowed to me. I replied her with a smile then turned to Prince Takeru again.

"It's our parting then, Prince Takeru," I said taking his attention, "I have so much fun talking to you, let's talk again later, I hope for seeing you in three days on the convention."

"That is such an honor, Your Majesty. I will see you soon."

I nodded at him and turned at his sister that was still standing next to Toru. I wore my best smile and said, "I will see you soon too, Princess Ayaka."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

She smiled brightly.

* * *

In the night after the party, in my own bedroom, Rola, once again brushed my hair. This time, she was to tie my hair so it won't disrupt my sleep. I told her that I have a chance to talk with him and he was just like as rumors say. Only one thing that concerned me.

"Any other rumor about him?"

"Yes, they say that he is womanizer."

"!"

* * *

At the same time, not too far from the main palace, in Prince Takeru's room, Princess Ayaka was there, sitting on a comfy cushion with an opened book on her laps. The imperial siblings spent the night with comfortable silence until the sister ended her reading time.

"How was the Empress? As good as your expectation?"

Prince Takeru stopped writing his letter and turned at his sister. "No," he answered then smiled widely, "she is _beyond_ my expectation, I never met such a gorgeous woman."

"That's good then."

"But she makes me concerned about a thing."

"What is it?"

"She... spotted you but didn't spot His Majesty whom you bumped into. I think... their marriage is... not a romantic one."

"What? Don't you dare start assuming things. Maybe she just thinking about pleasuring us for the convention needs. The Emperor seems really loves her, he talked about her in a loving way."

"I mean it, I can see her eyes being indifferent when we met at the entrance."

"You are such a stubborn. So, what will you do?"

Prince Takeru leaned his back against the chair he was sitting and stared at the ceiling.

"If she wants, I will just take her away from His Majesty to our country, if that makes her happy."

* * *

TBC


	8. Eight

The day after the party, I and Toru were walking side by side towards my bedroom right after a meeting we attended along with other ministers. He always walked me to my bedroom despite having to cross the main garden of the palace since we lived in different wings. It was when we were still at the garden when Toru started speaking.

"I don't know you can get close with men that instant."

I cleared my throat silently. I knew he will bring up this matter sooner or later.

"I was surprised too, it is easy to talk with Prince Takeru somehow. And... why did you told me to befriend with Princess Ayaka and not with Prince Takeru?"

"Well, aren't you a man?" he answered with whispers, "Don't you want to get close with a woman?"

I pursued my lips into a thin line. I didn't understand what he thinks at all. Wasn't he my husband? This case might be the only one where a husband set up his wife with another... woman.

"She is beautiful, but having _another_ relationship is a no-no, I don't need to be set up, thank you My King," I said sarcastically.

Toru chuckled vaguely.

We finally reached my bedroom. I opened the door, while he stopped just right in front of the door. I bid him a good night and was closing door when his voice stopped me.

"A thing, may I?"

I opened the door wide back and nodded.

Prior to his main point, he looked in my eyes in _I don't want to say this but I have to_ way. He inhaled and opened his mouth.

"I don't expect for any scandal saying the Empress is having an affair with a prince of another country. I really do hope that you can see the line between you and another men."

He used a formal tone. I found it a bit uncomfortable because only serious and empire-related matter that made him using that tone with me. I didn't need to be told that this was not even work-related, it was personal affair. And as far in my lifetime, he only used it once, when he told the reason why he proposes me.

I scoffed at his saying. "Are you saying that Prince Takeru has a crush on me?"

Toru just stared at me without saying anything. Though we were childhood friends and 5 years married, I still couldn't understand his eyes, he shouldn't ask me to understand him only by his eyes. As he told me back then, an emperor should hide his feelings out of dignity and pride. He sure mastered it, when he needs it the most. Really, this guy is annoying.

"He does not and will not."

"Who knows?"

I immediately shurgged my shoulders. I couldn't assure it as well. Even if he would, I couldn't control his heart. The most important thing was I didn't and wouldn't seduce him. "Seriously, Toru, do you really need to be like that to me? I am a man, a straight man. Married to another man is already enough. I only see him as a friend, or a tourist--well, he is a tourist."

It seemed to me that Toru's only need was my statement, a clear statement that I won't get any closer with Prince Takeru than this time. He only stared right in my eyes, demanding for a statement, or a promise. Eventually, I just nodded to not get too close with the prince. "Okay, beat me. You get it. I won't get closer with Prince Takeru than an Empress and her guest should be."

After that, like a kid being happy for getting what he wants, he drew a smile and stopped sulking. He patted my head and thanked me. "Thank you, Taka."

"Anyway," I sighed when he drew his hand back, "I won't have any relatioship with anyone, you can get assured. Take a good rest, Toru."

"You too."

* * *

There was still a day left before the convention. I and Toru, with some ministers were busy preparing the data might be needed for alluring the prince and princess to agree the covenant. At the lunch break, I asked Toru to have the lunch, but that emperor refused and told me to have a lunch first while he spends his sweet time with books and documents. What a workaholic.

I nodded without throwing any argument. If he was already like this, I really couldn't do anything since I myself knew how important this works was and could only make him promise to eat when I brought him the lunch.

That was what I say. But, instead having a lunch in the palace, I ordered the servants to make the lunch for the Emperor while I, somehow had a huge craving on snacks, stroded outside the palace. I was at the main gate when I meet Prince Takeru who was walking around the palace. As a guest, he always had his formal clothes with him, now was white-gold themed that adores him perfectly. He immediately approached me with a grace smile.

"Afternoon, Your Majesty."

"Good afternoon, walking around, Prince?"

I continued walking, and he followed my steps, walking beside me. "Yes, I got bored only staying in the room with nothing to do."

I hummed, and somehow Toru's request to befriend with Princess Ayaka crosses my mind. "How about Princess Ayaka?"

"She loves reading books, she is in library by now, I assume. She ever said that she is curious about books from this country and becomes very addicted to your library."

I laughed a bit, imagining the elegant Princess Ayaka becomes wild when it comes to books. "My honour."

"Where are you going, Your Majesty?"

"Having a lunch in local market, I want snacks from there and eat there, it's been a long time."

Prince Takeru hummed and stared at me. His eyes were emitting an _'ask me to accompany you'_ beam like a little puppy asking for morning walks. Really, this young prince was on contrast of Toru, he lets his emotions overflow obviously, easy to read like a children.

I smiled. "Do you like to come with me, Your Highness?"

His dark eyes sparkles and his smile went wider in joy.

"Yes!"

* * *

After telling the guards about our plan, we stroded to the near market accompanied by simple talks. I showed him some stores I like since my younger days and explained some cultural aspect from the goods. He paid full attention at my explanation and also told me some of his cultural. We bought some snacks and ate them together, then went back to the palace. When we reached our parting way, he stopped.

"Empress," he called.

I looked at his eyes. Breeze wind blew The Prince's clothes, so was my dress and my long hair, making some of strands went out from my hair grip. Much to my surprise, Prince Takeru stepped forward. His right hand moved towards my left ear, and slipped the stray strands to the back of my ear. I felt the time around us was stopped. The hand on my ear was cold. My eyes couldn't move to elsewhere as if he had hypnotized me to only lock my eyes in his, meanwhile I couldn't move my body even an inch to jerk his hand off of my ear.

With his hand still perched on my ear, he spoke in lower tone, so low that the guard two meters aways couldn't hear. "If possible, do you want to come to my country with me?"

His words made me awake. I took his hand away from my ear softly, in polite way. "I can't promise you that thing. I have an empire to look after. But, if I and His Majesty have a chance to come to your country, I might come for sightseeing."

For a brief second I caught a disappointed look of his eyes, before he replaced it with a soft stare. His figure was beamed with sunlight, looked beautiful with his smile. I smiled back at him awkwardly. "Well, I would see you later, His Majesty might have been waiting for me."

Prince Takeru nodded. "Sure, thank you very much, Your Majesty, please have a good day."

I nodded and he walked away. After making sure the young prince won't come back, I walked towards the library, where Toru was still busy with his research.

"Have you eaten?" I asked, standing mext to his chair.

He flinched, not sensing my presence. He really was too absorbed by his works. "Taka, how long have you been standing there? And yes, I have. I hoped that you are the one who brings my food and instead it were the servants who come."

I laughed dryly, "I'm sorry, I suddenly wanted to eat snacks so I went out."

"Oh, really? With guards?"

I took seconds to think. Toru always nags at me if I went out from the palacw without any guard, being insensitive that I dislike it very much. Could Prince Takeru be considered as a guard? Guard might have a meaning of someone who was with you, right...?

"Yes, of course, I had a guard with me."

"Good."

Toru's eyes went back to his papers, while I took a time reviewing a mountain of papers. That was when I noticed the documents were increased instead of decreased. "Are you just increasing the contents? Are the data from ministry just changed?"

"Well, yes and no. It's just increased. Princess Ayaka said the one her kingdom wants from us is farms. I should find the best farm that fits the criteria and will willingly work their sweats for another country."

"Eh? I haven't heard a thing about farms. I thought they are aiming fruits and veggies only."

"That's what they proposed to us, officially. They actually aim for milk, they want milk from the best cow coming from prestigious farmer. Apparently children in the south suffer from stunting due to lack of calcium. Their cows haven't produced good milk lately. They can't turn this offer down, so I will just prepare the best farm as our hidden card."

It was great, really. That was a proof that Toru won't let his people to starve in the winter. I was feeling great, but at the same time, I felt ashamed. Toru worked by all his might while I just had a nice tour, relaxing myself despite having a pile of works. How shameful.

"Let me help you." I dragged the nearest chair, sitting right across Toru. "What are the criterias?"

"Hm... she said since their milk is not good, their tools were already quite shabby. So, a farm equipped with pasteurization will do."

I nodded. But thinking about it...

"When did you talk with Princess Ayaka? During the party? Why didn't you say it earlier?"

"No, I met her when you off for lunch, she visited libary and met me accidentally."

I only nodded again.

* * *

The awaited day arrived. I was sitting on a chair with Toru next to me, Prince Takeru right across me with Princess Ayaka next to him, and two ministers from my empire, surrounding a circle table. Documents scattered on the table, some of them had ink tainted here and there.

Yesterday, I and Toru found the most suitable farmer for the trade. It was near the capital city, and luckily they agreed to supply the south country. So, I was pretty much confident this trade would go fine.

The beginning was matched to my expectation, the convention went smooth and promising. However, at the next quarter, Prince Takeru said something that makes the air tensed, making us suffocated.

"I will immediately approve this _only_ if The Empress agreed to come to the south with us tomorrow."

"What?" Toru replied with quite sharp sound. I held his hand underneath the table to calm him a bit.

"May I know your reason, Your Highness?" I asked politely.

"I asked it for your sake," Prince Takeru amswered with calm tone, he was confident and I was sure it will be hard. "I don't want to make a trade with the other party not knowing the real condition, it reflects whether you're serious or not."

I sighed inwardly. I admitted Prince Takeru do have a point there. But... didn't he say he will be returned in a month?

"Did you say you will be back in a month? What's happened?"

"Yes, that was the plan. But if Her Majesty come with us, I will be returned in a day, and approve the agreement."

I blinked. That...

"It doesn't have to be The Empress. I would send my men in instance," said Toru, with very confident tone as well.

I nodded softly, Toru did have a point.

"Then, you should wait for a month for my approval."

I really didn't know what to do, so I glanced Toru. But he didn't looked at me, so I looked at those ministers. "What do you think?"

"Yes, Your Majesty, from the prediction, winter will be coming less than a month. Prolonging the arrival of the goods from the south may be risky."

I nodded; I understood. I looked down at my laps. Truth be told I didn't really object the idea about comig to the south. It might be amazing seeing another culture, trying new things, that wouldn't be that bad.

"My Emperor, I--"

"The Empress will be not going anywhere," he said strictly. "I will send my men, I will wait for your decision in exactly a month. Call it a day for now."

* * *

I couldn't believe Toru would be that harsh towards a guest, and moreover to a prince of a strong kingdom. I was afraid it would cause some clash so I called Prince Takeru afterwards and asked if he minds Toru's words. Thankfully, he just laughed and said he didn't mind it, at all. But still, I couldn't agree with Toru's harshness. I nagged at him while we walk to my bedroom.

"Are you defending him now?"

I stopped halfway, and looked at him with disbelief. He, too, looked pissed off. I walked again.

"I am defending him because you are at fault here, Toru. You shouldn't have said like that to a prince. You let your emotion overflew too much. You should've picked more polite words."

"Taka, you are going anywhere."

"I didn't say it because I will go," I shouted in frustration, "I just want you to learn your mistakes--"

"It's here," said he cutting my line. Before I realized, we already reached the door of my bedroom. "Go to sleep, I'll see you in breakfast."

"Wha--I haven't done talking!"

Toru stopped to walk away. He stayed at gis position and glanced the corridor, where knights were faithfully standing for the whole time guarding the palace. "In your bedroom then."

"Fine, come in."

I opened the door, let Toru in, and closed the door again. I knew why Toru asked to talk inside my room. Our relationship was the reflection of this empire. Us arguing in the corridor, being witnessed by the knights was definitely a no.

"Say, why are you so emotional back then? We can get this agreement settled finely if you just revealed the hidden card, you didn't even offer them the farm!"

Toru sighed and threw his ass onto my bed. "You heard him, his confident argue, he won't take the card even I offered him. He... is after you. Do you think I don't know that you and that prince had a nice evening together?"

"Are you just accusing me having an affair with him?"

"I didn't say that. I was right after all, he is after you."

That again. "Don't be silly, I'm a man--!"

Toru cut my lines again. This time, however, not with his saying. He pulled my hand, and the next thing I knew, I already laid on the bed, with him towering over me. His both hands was supporting his built, trapping me between.

"To... ru?" My voice croaked. To be honest, his figure right now was scary. He never looked at me with sharp eyes and intimidating aura coming from him.

"You keep saying you're a man but you didn't realize you never acted like one, ever once" said Toru with deep, the deepest voice I had ever heard, and the coldest.

"What the hell are you saying! Get off of me!"

I tried to push him away, but the chest I was pushing doesn't even flinch.

"See? If you're a man, you will be able to push me away as you like, and you won't get scared by getting pinned down by another man."

"Fuck off!"

I kept pushing him. And finally he moved--to catch my both hands with a hand and put them over my head.

"You have a body of a girl," Toru said, paying no heed with my struggles, trying to escape.

And while I did that, Toru's other hand somehow reached my shoulder, sending shivers down to my spine as his hand brushed my bollarbone exposed by my dress. Damn this style!

I couldn't do anything underneath him and only stared angrily at him, while breathing heavily. Yet, Toru did what I never thought of. He pulled the shoulder part of my dress, revealing my shoulder.

"Fuck you! Stop it!"

"You even wear a bra." He whispered.

I threw all my strength to escape, though I knew it was all useless. He still didn't stop, ignoring all my curses and shouts, and didn't budged. He nonchalantly moved his hand down and touched my waist. "And a corset. Tell me Taka, why do I have to believe in your words that you will never fall for men when you really resemble a woman?"

I stopped moving, so did Toru. We exchanged gazes properly. The eyes I was seeing now was not Toru. It was darker, and colder. It was not Toru. And I was very afraid of him. Thoughts about what Toru might be doing made me hard to breath, and seeing how Toru could change this far bothered me. Eventually, my tears couldn't be hold any longer and streamed down to my cheeks.

"Stop it..." I whimpered. I didn't care if Toru mocked me and telling me I was such a crybaby, or girly. I didn't care. I just wanted him to stop. "Toru... please, stop..."

Above me, Toru shut his eyes hard, and sighed. He released my hands and rose up. I rose up too, rubbing my now reddish wtrists. I didn't dare to look at him and only looked at my laps. At least until a warm hand touched my cheek and wiped my tears.

I dared to look up, and the usual Toru was there, with warm eyes and taunted eyebrows. We spent seconds in silence. His hand left my cheek and put the sleeve of my dress back to its right place. He opened his mouth, but no words came from there.

Eventually, he just stroked my cheek again, and left the room.

* * *

TBC


	9. Nine

"You're so gloomy, Your Majesty, try to smile a bit."

I only sighed responding to Rola who was currently doing my hair. I looked in the mirror, and as she said, I really looked gloomy. It all thanks to what Toru did last night, and as if it was not enough, he also couldn't come in the breakfast. Sir Ryota told me really early in the morning, telling me that that emperor was having an urgent meeting and couldn't make it to the breakfast. Toru also told me, via Sir Ryota, to have my breakfast alone.

He avoided me... right?!!

"Done, you're so pretty Your Majesty," said Rola, "should I bring your breakfast?"

I didn't answer right away. I looked in the mirror again, where my hair looked completely done and tidy. There was a hair clip, adored by a piece of ruby, on the back of my head, holding my hair tight as it's pulled backward. And there were another pieces of ruby in some of the locks of my hair; the combination of black-red themed was matched with my fair skin. I meant it... really matched, really beautiful.

"I... am I that pretty?" I uttered.

Puzzled and dumbfounded, Rola lost her smile.

"Yes, of course Your Majesty," she answered in wondering tone, "I am sure if you were not married to His Majesty, there would be tons of men that after you."

My eyes fell on my laps, even darker. What Toru said about Prince Takeru crossed in my mind again. I knew this body was attractive to men; I was a straight man that I can tell. Not to mention I also had experienced with guys that head over heels to me before I got married with Toru, which ended at once when we got married. Back then, what I always do was to ignore them. I wasn't even hurt when someone told me that I was a bitch, seducing many men, being accused having affairs with more than two men, and many other insulting rumors--I was very aware being in nobility world meaning you will have to bear hatred. I wasn't hurt with those accusations.

But... why was it hurt so much when Toru says it?

"Your Majesty, what's the matter?"

I didn't realize I was so deep in thoughts and the next thing I knew, Rola was on her knees, near my legs, holding my both hands. She looked very worried and about to burst into cry anytime. I felt guilty for that, so I smiled. "Nothing... it's just, His Majesty and I had a little quarrel last night, I'm just thinking about that."

Rola's eye widened; she was not expecting this, I suppose. "Is this your first time having an argue with His Majesty?"

When I thought about that again... this really was the first time we had an argue. So, I nodded.

"That's normal to have an argue, Your Majesty," said she, smiling rather in motherly way, "I am sure this matter won't last until lunch time."

* * *

Although I didn't very agree with Rola, her words kept coming in my mind, making me hope that this uncomfortable air won't last until lunch time.

Unfortunately, and actually weirdly, I had a real day off today. It was unfortunate since only works that could distract me from disturbing thoughts. It was weird enough since every year near the winter I and Toru would have a huge mountain of works. That's why, I choose to have a nice walk to the garden and made my halt near the pond, my and Toru's favorite spot.

Speaking of Toru... was his meeting over? Has he eaten his breakfast properly? Has he drunk his water and kept his body hydrated?

I sighed. Toru was a grown-up and fine man, but I couldn't help but seeing him with 48 years old sideview to 21 years old young man. Came to think of it again, he was still so young...

"Who is?"

I was startled; Prince Takeru's voice _greeted_ me out of nowhere. I didn't know how long he was standing there, or how much he heard--or how much I said out loud. Damn.

"Ah, good afternoon, Prince Takeru," said I forcing smile; trying not to show my surprise too much.

"Good afternoon, Your Majesty. Can I have a seat with you?"

"Of course."

Smiling brightly and happily, Prince Takeru sat next to me. He looked at me first with concerns. "What's bothering you, Your Majesty? You look troubled."

Again, Prince Takeru surprised me. I wondered whether it was me who was really that easy to read or him who was so damn good at reading people thoughts. But towards Prince Takeru, a prince from other country, I couldn't promptly say I and His Majesty were having an argue like I told Rola. I had to protect our imperial dignity.

"Do I?"

"Yes."

I hummed. "Well, I am actually troubled. It's about the trade, Your Highness, I am confused because His Majesty won't allow me to come to your country at any cost and the goods shall wait until a month. It troubles me and put me into heavy thought."

Prince Takeru vaguely sighed. His eyes fell at the pond seeing the fishes swim freely under the blue, clear water. "That... I apologize for proposing that requirement..."

I smiled dryly.

"I just really want to be with The Empress, and show my country like you did other days."

My smile faded at once. I looked at him, whose face now had red tone spread from ear to ear. His eyes looked serious despite being embarassed. I only half-believed what Toru said about Prince Takeru; and by his sudden confession, it became suddenly too real. I looked away, avoiding his eyes. I didn't want to make anyone hurt, neither Toru nor Prince Takeru. I couldn't get The Prince's hope rose up even higher. I should... end this in no time.

"I apologize, Your Highness," I began; my hands gripped my dress tightly preventing it trembling, "I... shall refuse, I couldn't return you feelings..." I said with even lower voice as the words flew, silence in the end. I couldn't look at anywhere but the pond. I let the upcoming winter's wind blew my hair though really aware it would make it messy.

Like the carefree and lovable nature he was, I needed not to worry about his reaction and hoped that he would only chuckled the forget it. But, I was wrong. The young prince was even more complicated than his look.

"So, I am rejected even though you have no feelings towards His Majesty? Is my chance that low?"

Something invisbile stabbed my chest really hard; thanks to that, I barely could breath. A lump was growing inside my throat making me unable to speak. I only stared at my sweating hands resting on my laps with my widened eyes. I just hoped that I would fall into the pond and this conversation would face to its end without any replies needed. Then, we ended up playing in the pond. Well, the latter was the least possible, while the first one was unwanted; I don't want my country is known as a country which its Empress is fallen to a pond. Should I just push him instead? I won't do that though...

Now, I had to know why he knows I don't have any feelings about Toru.

"I apologize... b-but, how..."

Prince Takeru put his right leg onto his other one and interlinked his fingers on his knee. He smiled dryly and said, "Instinct."

We let silence struck. As for me, I was guessing about what he actually means by instinct; I didn't know what happens inside the prince's head. We just really let silence stroke until he broke it.

"Well, it seems I am left with no choice but giving up," said he, getting up and patting his clothes to clean the up, "but since I sincerely love you, Your Majesty," --I was startled at his saying that makes him smiling smugly-- "let me give you an advice."

"Advice?" I repeated.

"Yes. Even His Majesty really is a faithful man, His Majesty is also a man."

I frowned. That was impossible I don't knew that perfectly.

"And a man is a beast who will do anything to meet their needs."

My frowns went deeper. I once was also a man, I could understand men's feeling... maybe, if I hadn't forgotten.

"Better you keep an eye for His Majesty."

"Well, I will," said I with doubts.

"Then, I shall be off." For being polite, I rose up; that was when Prince Takeru bowed, offering me his right hand while the left one is on his back; like a gentleman he was. I welcomed it and put my hand into his. "I hope we could still be friends."

"Of course, I would be glad to be your friend."

And his pecked the back of my hand lightly, like a farewell greeting.

* * *

My mood had been enlightened a bit after matters with Prince Takeru had been solved. I also made it clear that there was and would be nothing between us. But my chest tightened whenever my thought flies to Toru. I wanted to not think about him for a while, but works that usually distract me from problems were just shamelessly gone. Because of that, I had the least productive day ever. What I had done were only lay down, walk around aimlessly, and before I realized the sun was about to set. Ah, I skipped lunch. No wonder I was a bit hungry. Usually Toru would send a servant to call me and we would have lunch together. Today he didn't call me even once...

_Knock, knock!_

Knocks from my door pulled be from my deep thoughts; I rose up from my bed at once. A little hope that those knocks were from his men to ask me to get meals together slipped in my mind. I wore my slippers and stroded to open the door; it was Sir Ryota, Toru's personal secretary.

"I'm sorry for the disturbance, Your Majesty."

"It doesn't matter," I said, "what happen?"

Sir Ryota looked nervous behind his long bangs. "Actually..."

* * *

I found myself stroded amidst the night wind, with Sir Ryota following me behind. I don't usually wear night dress outside my bedroom, so a knight guarding the palace approached Sir Ryota.

"Excuse Sir," he said to Sir Ryota, "is there anything wrong?"

"No," I could hear Sir Ryota replied with a whisper, "everything's settled, it's just... husband and wife's matter."

The knight just gave a nod with an 'Ah...', then backed off. I and Sir Ryota passed the garden to enter the other wing, the wing where the Emperor's bedroom was. I walked in hasty paces; my steps were echoing in the corridor. Toru's door was on the edge of the corridor on my left side. I turned left, and abruptly stopped; Sir Ryota jumped a step behind to prevent him from bumping me.

On the edge of the corridor, from Toru's opened door, Princess Ayaka came out with her formal dress. She closed the door and walked away from Toru's room. The princess looked surprised when she spots me, then bowed gracefully.

"Good evening, Your Majesty," she greeted.

"Good evening, Princess."

"I shall be off in your excuse."

I immediately nodded. "Sure, off you go. Should I send my man to escort you back?"

Princess Ayaka smiled and shook her head. "My brother is waiting outside the palace. I am really grateful with your offer."

"Don't mention it, and please send my regards to Prince Takeru."

"I will. Then, excuse me, Your Majesty."

I nodded once again and saw her back went off with the glimmers of the moon. When I was sure she was far away, I turned my attention to Sir Ryota, who looked puzzled of some reason. "Does His Majesty have an agenda with Prince Ayaka or Prince Takeru?"

Sir Ryota shook his head. "No, Your Majesty."

I looked at the space where the young princess had disappeared. "That can't be..."

I moved my feet again, now was half-running towards Toru's door. I controlled my breath first, then knocked.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

"Taka?"

There was surprises in Toru's voice. That voice was followed with some steps and the door was finally opened, revealing Toru with his formal clothes; that made me angry.

"Sir Ryota told me that you skipped your breakfast and lunch, Your Majesty," I said, with my hands squared on my chest.

"Wha--" Toru sent a dangerous glare at Sir Ryota behind me; he whinned at Toru's glare. "Listen, I--"

"Eat your meals first then I will listen."

"Taka--"

"Sir Ryota," I turned around and looked at the knight who immediately flinched, "tell the servants to bring our dinner here."

"A-as you wish."

Sir Ryota dashed away leaving us alone. I glared at Toru again, who had his shoulder slumped. "Where's my sorry?"

"Sorry..."

* * *

The dinner came afterwards in no time. We ate in a huge table in Toru's room, sitting face to face, in silence; both because I was still angry because he skipped meals and because I didn't know what to talk for being reminded of the last night event while he read a no-one-knows what. I choose to eat while observing Toru's room, where I had never been there for a long time; I didn't even remember the last time I was here. His bedroom hadn't changed at all. Bed with canopy, a huge table, a gigantic wardrobe... and a full-of-paper desk.

Toru put the paper on the table, and his eyes fell on mine. "Are you not angry?"

"I am angry," I unintentionally raised my voice, "you skipped your--"

"No, not that. It's because last night, I-I almost... I said horrible things... saying you like a woman... and doing stuffs you hate. I broke my own promise..."

I opted to not answer and walked towards the desk instead; his eyes followed. I could see many reports that should be done by me were there. Sir Ryota had informed me that he took all my works for today. Being so long time wih him, I could more or less guess what he thinks: he wanted me to take some rest because of the last night event; him doing my works was the reason he skips meals.

"I was... not angry," I uttered, making him very much surprised. "You know... as a man, I know your sexual frustrations, and stuff. So... I just couldn't blame you for getting snapped. It's just... natural, moreover I'm trapped in this pretty body."

Although I really wasn't angry at him, the reason was actually a lie. I didn't know how frustrated he was, or why he was snapped. Truth be told I didn't know why I wasn't angry at all, even after nearly got raped by my own husband who was also my best friend. But I couldn't find anything better, while telling him I was not angry was the best choice to get everything settled.

"Really?"

I sighed, "Can you just believe me?"

"I do... I just... want to make sure you forgive me."

"I have forgiven you."

With a clear forgiveness statement, his thin smile rose.

"Okay," said he, motioning closer, "I have a good news."

"Hm?"

"The South agrees to have our people tomorrow. They can go there with some accompanies The Highnesses have chosen. Princess Ayaka just told me that, minutes ago."

That new update hit me; so that was why Princess Ayaka came for, to deliver such a good news, and that good news won't come if I hadn't spoken with Prince Takeru earlier. I was glad.

But then, an uneasy feeling came.

Why didn't Prince Takeru himself deliver _his_ judgement, and wait outside instead? I found it rather uncomfortable for a woman meeting up with a man in a bedroom in the middle of the night, when there were another option. At that very moment also, I realized that Toru and Princess Ayaka had met informally, once. They were also together during the party...

Then suddenly, Toru spoke bringing me to the earth back, before I could think further about Princess Ayaka strangeness

"Taka?"

"Hm? Yeah, yep, that's good, really..." said I, trying to smile.

But it was too hard. My smile faded as I looked at the ground, avoiding his curious gaze.

To end the conversation, I said in low, heavy tone, "Such a relief..."

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very sad regarding Haruma Miura's news. I hope his relatives and friends would be able to face this difficult time :(


	10. Ten

That night, we easily decided the right person that would go to the South with The Highnesses and went to sleep right away. But the next morning was quite busy for us. Despite having a great amount of recent, routine works, we had to spare our little free time to see The Highnesses away. They went into this country wih a carriage and they went back also with that; our delegate would go with a carriage as well, which would follow the royal family's.

Exactly at 8 o'clock in the morning, a large carriage was parked just outside the gate, with its trunk was full with goods.

I and Toru had waited for five minutes already, until Prince Takeru showed up with a white traveling cloak covering his formal suits and a small luggage in his hand. He was followed by Princess Ayaka, too, with her formal dress without any traveling cloak and nothing in her hands. When they were close enough to us, Prince Takeru began to speak.

"It was really nice to be here, Your Majesty," said Prince Takeru, bowing gracefully like a white goose, "I really enjoyed being here, thank you very much."

Behind him, Princess Ayaka bowed; gentle smile adored her beautiful face.

"It's an honour, Your Highness," said Toru, with a _very_ vague smile. Clash was still occuring, I guessed.

"Thank you, Prince Takeru, Princess Ayaka," said I, smiling politely, "I really appreciate your time here."

But after that, there was a sudden, very awkward pause. Both the Prince and Princess exchanged gazed in a puzzled way. I frowned at that.

"Oh, crap." Beside me, Toru muttered in low tone that only me could hear that. He leaned forward and whispered into my ears, "Princess Ayaka is not going with her brother. She's staying here for weeks. I forgot to tell you, sorry."

Heat rose from my neck upward. It was such an embarassing farewell words for a person who actually doesn't go anywhere. I kicked Toru's shin silently, hidden from their sight out of anger, and immediately faced Princess Ayaka.

"My apologize," said I hurriedly, "I haven't received the news that only Prince Takeru who will be going."

"Ah, my apologize to not give a formal information," said Princess Ayaka.

Prince Takeru laughed at that. "That doesn't matter Your Majesty, but well, can I have something as the apology?"

From where I stood, I could hear Toru clicking his tongue and somehow feel him clenching his jaw. I tapped his thigh softly asking him to remain calm. Meanwhile, Princess Ayaka frowned at her brother. I could see Prince Takeru's act is unplanned. Facing this prince indeed needed much effort and patience.

"What is it?" I said that.

"I have something talk to you, Your Majesty." His eyes fell on me. "But... to _only you._ May I?"

The way the young prince emphasized that he wanted to talk to me in private made Toru's rage doubled. I was afraid he would do something reckless again and our bargain would be put in risk. If I did follow Prince Takeru's request, he would surely sulk, but I was sure I could handle him well, later.

So, I immedately nodded; separating Toru from Prince Takeru became my top priority right now.

"Sure, we can talk near the pond."

"Thank you."

When Prince Takeru went into his carriage to put his small trunk, Toru gave me a disbelief look. "What--"

"Calm down," I whispered, feeling Princess Ayak's eyes on us, "he only wants to have a simple talk or something, and knights are scattered around the garden. I can scream if he were up to no good."

Toru's eyes twitched. "He is definitely up to no good."

I sent him a glare, forcing him not to do anything. Toru looked very much unpleased at that. But when it comes to stubborness, the winner had been decided since the day of our birth.

He eventually gave up. "Promise you _will_ scream?"

"I promise."

With that, I led Prince Takeru to the pond with Toru's eyes piercing our backs until we disappeared from his sight. When the pond was near, I sat on a bench facing the pond, so did Prince Takeru.

"So, what is it?"

"It's a question, Your Majesty," said he in somewhat mysterious tone and rather catiously, "it's... about our conversation last time. Is it okay?"

I nodded giving him permission to bring that matter up.

"I... am concerned about a thing, Your Majesty--it's not like I'm minding your marriage affair, but... it will affect my kingdom in the future, our countries' relationship to be exact."

"Yes, just ask."

"Do you have sex with His Majesty?"

I stiffened. That question was very private thing, random and inappropriate. I couldn't see the thread connecting that question to our goverments' matter. I was very much upset and sent him a _what the f#$% are you saying_ -glare.

"Ah--I expect you will react that way. Forgive me, let me continue."

I, again, nodded. He was profiled as a clever one, maybe he really had something important regarding our countries. I would just see whether the profiling was correct... or else I could fire that profiler.

"As the crown prince, the throne of my kingdom would be passed to me," said he full of cautions, "we have built a fine relationship and I hope this will continue in my generation and even after my generation."

I agreed. "I do hope so."

"Then... what will you do about the throne if His Majesty won't have any successor from you, the legitimate wife and Empress? Will you just stop the royal family's blood here?"

I stunned at his words.

Words were magic. I had heard it somewhere in my school life, while I was nodding off in class and I didn't believe it that time. It was rubbish, my naive younger self thought. And now, as soon as the words had spoken, like a spell coming from a wizard, everything was significantly changed. The wind stopped blowing. The air was thicker. The leaves made no noises. And the blue sky seemed to be bigger and emptier than ever.

"What... do you mean?" My voice came out croaked. In fact, I knew what it means perfectly. Yet...

"You know it, Your Majesty," said he full of confidence _,_ "the throne shall be passed to royal-blood kid, to a crown prince or princess of His Majesty's own blood. If... Your Majesty and His Majesty keep being like this, then, how about your heir? Who will hold the throne in the next generation?"

On my laps, my sweating hands gripped my dress tightly. Prince Takeru's statements had just realized the fool me. I forgot the important, the most important matter in this world where powers should be passed to your blood relatives. As long as the same blood circulates, the power could be passed...

How could I forgot that?

No, how could _Toru_ even forgot that!?

Seeing me won't likely give any answer, he continued.

"I... paid a woman last night." He suddenly admitted his sin shamelessly. "I paid a woman with black, long hair, night eyes, fair skin, and small body. Do you know what that means, Your Majesty?"

I chose to not answer; I only bit my inner cheek hard.

"I replaced you, I needed someone resembling you to fulfill my needs, like I said the other day. If it were me, that having a relationship without sex, meanwhile I'm a king, I would find another woman, make them my concubines only to breed my own heir to pass the throne and keep my country alive. And I'm sure His Majesty would easily do the same."

I looked in Prince Takeru's brown eyes with trembling eyes. In front of me, he wore a weak, sad smile.

"I--"

I never finished my words. He cut me first while getting up.

"I don't have to know the answer," said he, back facing me, "Please consider it as a present to my loved one. Now, I need to go. You must be busy as well. Would you like to escort me, Your Majesty?"

I couldn't bring myself speaking at the moment so I just rose and walked with Prince Takeru following behind. My mind was just blank. I didn't know why Prince Takeru's words affects me this much. It was, frankly speaking, Toru's problem, not mine. It was Toru's fault for not having clear vision from the troubles might come by the time he proposed me, when knowing I couldn't bear his children.

I need not to interfere, even since the beginning.

I was... an outsider. For him, for this empire, and for this world. It was his empire. I only had to play a role called empress, like a living doll. All I needed to do was only follow Toru's says and all not spoken by him was unnecessary.

So... I just stood still as the empress, being a good one seeing the guest away as Toru told me to.

Toru seemed to realize the change of my mood and said, "What's wrong? What has that bastard done?"

I blinked. Did he just called Princes Takeru bastard?

"Hey! Mind your words!" I whispered and turned around seeking for Princess Ayaka, to say sorry about his rudeness...

However, I saw no one. Only I and Toru that remained in the gate.

"Where's Princess Ayaka?"

"If you didn't like the gate so much that you stared at it in very long time, you will notice her leaving and reply to her bow."

I only sighed. Damn, I couldn't get Prince Takeru's words out of my head no matter what.

"But seriously, what's wrong with you?"

I shook my head. Of course I couldn't tell him this matter.

For now.

* * *

Three days had passed since Prince Takeru went back to his kingdom. I and Toru also went back to our routines, usual busy days. Meetings, documents, facing the citizen and taking up their complaints... or at least that's what I thought.

It was in the mid-day when I did my works in my workspace with hungry stomach. Usually, Toru's men would knock the door informing me that Toru has been waiting for lunch exactly at 1 pm. Yet, now was past 2 pm and there was no sign of Toru's call for lunch.

_He might be very busy._

I sighed.

I couldn't work with my stomach grumbling noisily like a demon craving for prey. I wanted to eat, but at the same time I was worried. Toru could call me anytime and I didn't want to eat again--of course I could refuse his request, I just didn't feel like to.

So, I asked for light snacks and tea.

Fortunately, it quite worked. I could concentrate at my works again despite being not too full.

It was 4 pm when I noticed a document belonging to Toru was mistakenly put into one of stacks of my works.

"Rola," said I to Rola who was taking the empty tea set out, "ask His Majesty's whereabouts while you put them away."

"I understand."

"Thanks."

Rola stroded out from the room and I went back to works.

Minutes later, she came back and told me, "His Majesty is in his bedroom, Your Majesty."

I blinked. I thought he was _very busy_ so he couldn't even spare ten minutes for having a lunch with me. But he was in his bedroom instead his workspace?

"Okay." Despite confused, I nodded and went up. "I will be out to His Majesty's room, bringing his document."

"Eh? I met Sir Ryota outside, he can bring--"

"No," I cut her, "I need fresh air, I want to relax a bit outside."

Though it was a lie.

* * *

Outside Toru's room, I took a deep breath. I felt somewhat nervous and a bit scared for reason I couldn't pinpoint what. Although I only wanted to give him the document.

Eventually, heavy-heartedly, I knocked twice and waited.

"Who's that?"

Toru's voice from inside was heard. I immediatly replied, "It's me, Taka."

"Ah, get in."

I opened the door and met Toru who was polishing his sword. I knew that seord very well though it was the first time I saw his sword since our marriage. That sword was given by his father, the previous Emperor as his thirteenth birthday and also as a present for being a knight in such a young age. Back then in our teenagers, he used to brag about how great his swordmanship was. He was so cute back then, unfortunately those cuteness had evaporated and leaving nothing, sigh...

"It's been a long time I haven't seen that..." I muttered while motioning closer. "You keep it well."

Toru nodded and put the sword back to its place. His gaze fell on me and he asked, "So, what is it?"

"Your document is with my works." I offered him the document.

He accepted it and thanked me. Then, he walked towards his desk to put that paper, his messy desk.

"Your desk is so untidy," I nagged, "ask a servant to tidy it a bit, you'll lose your thing again and never realize it."

"Later."

I sighed while glancing unpleasantly at his desk. There were papers and papers, pens, inks, even empty ink bottle, an empty mug, and... a broken necklace. I focused my eyes at that necklace. It was a beautiful necklace with a button-sized black diamond. The string was dazzling, made by gold, and was torn apart. I was sure Toru didn't have that and would never have that.

"What's that?" I frontally asked.

Toru followed my eyes and found the object I was talking about. "Oh, it was Princess Ayaka's."

I flinched unintentionally.

He continued.

"She broke it and I offered her to have it fixed. I forgot to bring it to the repairman."

I pressed my lips into a thin line. "You met her today?"

"Yeah. We accidentaly met in the library and ate lunch afterwards."

At the moment, I felt like there was a deep hole engulfing me, a very deep and bottomless one. My heart sunk and I couldn't think properly. I waited for him for the whole f#$%ing day and optimistically thought he was just very busy. But it turned out he was relaxed all day long... with a woman.

_...I would find another woman, make them my concubines..._

Words from Prince Takeru nonchalantly invaded my thoughts. I tried to ditch those words and keep everything rational and took a deep breath. Toru wasn't like that. He wouldn't do such thing. I knew him ever since he couldn't even lift his head.

_How about the heir?_

I bit my lip hard and cursed that damned prince.

We indeed had never talked about children, or successors, or heirs. We never talked and acted like we were husband and wife.

We were just friends to begin with.

_So, it will be fine if Toru finds another woman._

That was my thought. Since my condition made us to not speak about sexual preference or something like love, I never thought about that. When proposing me, he never mentioned about conditions if one of us fell in love with someone aside us. All we had talked was only _us_ without mentioning other possibilities and variables might surface.

"Taka? You look pale?"

The next thing I knew, Toru's face was already an inch from my own. I startled and immediately backed off. "N-no, I'm great."

"Really? Have you eaten lunch?"

I nodded in hasty pace remembering the snacks and a cup of tea.

"But really, if you have something in your mind, just tell me."

Thanks to that, I fell into silence. So did Toru. I was hesitated to bring that matter up. But at the same time, I could be at fault for not reminding him such an important thing.

F#$% my friendship.

I opened my mouth and a question deliberately flew out.

"What do you think about concubines?"

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please wait for the next!


End file.
